Sunday, December 25, 2011

Making Way: Response

So, I recently found this new really cool party going on called New Year, New You, over at Charmed I'm Sure. Now the fact that I started this blog as a way to completely restart on my spiritual and personal journey makes this party even more important to me. Click here to find out what this rigamarole is all about, then click here to read the first prompt, then click here to read the most recent, because as always I'm a wee bit late to the party.

I'm really digging this party in all honesty because it means I'm not doing all this alone! Now... for the first prompt. Miss Deborah has started the party with "Making Way," for the new you. This includes, surprise, surprise DECLUTTERING! Which is something I've been working on these past couple of days. Just like when I was talking about clearing my chakras, decluttering does the same thing, just mentally, and in the mundane world (like when you throw away those clothes that you don't wear anymore, but just can't seem to let them go).

So, as my response, this is the plan I have... My house will be hooked up to electricity this coming week. While I'm staying with Mom and Dad, waiting for that to happen, I've been working on my emotional baggage. It's been a year and a half since Gram passed away, but I'm still holding on to her like my life depends on it, and for a while, my life did depend on it. Now I'm healing, and though I'm not 100% ready to let her go, I'm working on at least decluttering the feelings wrapped around that big ole mess. I am working on my insecurities when it comes to relationships, familial and romantic, and as soon as the electricity is on at my house, I will be tearing into it like no other!

It's hard for me to describe the things I'm dealing with emotionally. But here's a couple of things. The death of Gram really knocked me back, a lot, and that's an understatement. I'm working on getting back to who I personally am. When she died I turned my back on my religion, and now I'm working on getting back to my personal beliefs. The decluttering helps a lot. Aphrodite used to be my patroness, but since turning my back on my religion, she and I are not as close as we used to be. When I first learned that, I thought it was just a matter of working closely with her again, but I've realized that, while I'll always love Aphrodite, and there will always be a place in my heart for her, I've grown and changed as a person. Working with her used to feel like putting on a coat that fit just right, it felt like a loved one was enveloping me in pure love and light. While that feeling is still there, because Aphrodite does love me, I feel like we're not matched like we used to be. So I am now on the road to finding a new patron or patroness.

I am sorting through my feelings about religion and tossing out those that I wrongfully tried to live by to please everyone after Gram passed. That story is a long one, but I'll suffice it to say that I was told I was the one that killed Gram because of my religion. My religion had brought the devil into the house which in turn killed Gram. For quite a while I wondered about that. Growing up in a Catholic church made me wonder for a little while if I hadn't been duped by the devil into believing that Paganism is okay, just to take me to Hell. But, while I know for sure I believe in evil (because there could be no good if there was no evil), I do not believe in the devil. I don't believe in a little guy with a pitchfork following me around all day trying to get me to screw up. Even the most dark of all gods wouldn't do that to every single person, every single minute of the day, it's just too damn tiring! I love the feeling of peace, happiness, and rightness that flows through me when I connect with Mother Earth, the gods and goddesses, and when I do spell work and work on my meditations. If it makes me happy, in a non-violent way, how can it be something the devil created?

So there you have it my friends... there's more that I'm working on to clear the way, but there's just not enough time to write it all down lol. Plus I'm quite sure you would get tired of reading it all after a while, because I know I have a tendency to ramble. So I hope you're path clearing is working as well for you as mine is for me. I wish you luck on this journey we are now all taking! Brightest blessings to you all, and may you find what you seek!

1 comment:

  1. A really good start, but how awful to be told that you killed your grandmother by being Pagan. :( That's just so not right on an epic scale, it's hard enough to lose someone you love without people making it worse. Hopefully this year will be kinder.