Friday, December 30, 2011

Dating as a Pagan: A Rant

Ok, it's no secret by now that I'm single. While I usually don't complain about it, I know I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone. Here lately I've been dating a little bit (as in going on dates with people) and I'm starting to get rather frustrated with it again. I hate labeling people, and I'm all about the Coexist movement, but I have to admit I'm sick of trying to date Christian males! The last person I went on a date with started talking about the bible to me and asked what religion I am. I, of course, believe in complete honesty so I told him I am Pagan. That brought on a pretty fun talk.

I had to go through the standard "No I don't kill animals or babies, no I don't worship the devil, I actually don't believe in the devil," and had to go into an entire discussion about what Paganism is and isn't to me, etc. Basically we had the whole my religion is better than your religion crap. Then all of a sudden he decided to tell me that he thought I was sexy, and that it might be "unChristian" to say so but blah blah blah insert stupid plea for sex here. I looked at him and said, "Well the Goddess blessed me in lots of ways," and was going to leave it at that until he decided to start saying what he wanted to "do" to me. Which of course left me having to say politely that I would never have sex with him even if he was the last man on the earth was not interested.

In all honesty I'm almost ready to throw my arms up in the air and give up. White flag, I surrender! I'll stay single if that means I don't have to deal with that kind of stupidity. I know it would probably be better if I found a nice Pagan guy to date (or at least someone with similar ideals as me), but I have no clue where to look, or even if to look lol. The problem I face is the town I live in has a population of around 300. If I'm not already with someone from my town it's very doubtful that I will get with one of them now! Most are senior citizens, and others are people I went to school with and while we are friends, we are not compatible in relationships. I don't go out to the bar very often (and lets face it guys, in general the bar is NOT the best place to meet someone to have a long term relationship with) and I'm not sure about other ways of meeting people that don't involve me driving an hour away. So what to do?

The fighter in me refuses to surrender. No white flag for me! But I look down the road and wonder how am I going to change my future? I don't want to be in my crone days alone with no children to carry on my legacy. I know I can adopt, even while single, and believe me, I've considered that option (and am still considering it), but I also know I don't want to be without a partner in crime ;). So, I've got a lot of figuring out to do. If you guys have opinions on the matter, or wish to share your rant with me, as always my comments and email are open to you. Let me hear your voices dear friends!


  1. Have you thought about meeting someone through the Pagan community? I'm kind of spoiled here in Minnesota, because we have a large and active Pagan community. But if there's a group you can get plugged into, it might be a way to meet someone who's like minded.

    Why do Christian guys think that Pagan = Easy? Weird. We value our bodies and sex as much as anyone else.

  2. I had something similar happen but in reverse. I was dating this guy and we totally clicked. Eventually our relationship progressed to the point where we slept together. I decided to do something I normally didn't do and wasn't upfront about being a pagan. Well the day after our very special date, I decided that our relationship shouldn't progress any further without him knowing that I was a pagan. He flipped out and said that as a Christian he just wasn't comfortable dating someone who was associated with that and that I should tell that to a person before I sleep with them. So I asked him, "Do you regret sleeping with me?" He said, "No, it was good." I was confused so I asked, "So you are perfectly fine with sleeping with pagans just not dating them?" He said, "Well yes." I then asked,"Well in Christianity it's a sin to sleep with someone before you're married. You're okay with that but you can't date a pagan?" He says, "It's different. You'll be around my kid and I don't want him raised around that kind of thing....but it's a shame because it was really good sex."

  3. Oh dear Goddess! I think I would have hit him! I don't think I'll ever understand how some Christians get around their "sins" by making their own convenient loopholes! However, it's not just a Christian thing, I'm gonna guess it's a male thing as well. And I mean no offense to any of my male readers, just please understand that we women will probably never be able to figure you out!

  4. Well, I've looked into a couple of Pagan groups, but all of them are in Lubbock an hour away. I've contacted one and figure why not at least find out when and if they hold any Esbat or Sabbat celebrations, at least then I could drive in for stuff like that, socialize, and maybe meet someone near my age. It's just hard here in Texas if you don't live in any of our larger cities.

    I will never understand why they think Pagan = Easy. The funny thing is we even went through a conversation where I told him that while I appreciate sex, it is not something to be taken lightly. Sometimes I wonder if men just haven't got past the whole neanderthal thing with the bashing you over the head and taking you to their cave mentality. Just because you tell me you think I'm sexy doesn't mean I'm going to instantly drop at your feet and bed you to have sex with me!

  5. There are so many stories out there about people who meet "by chance." They never dreamed they'd have an opportunity to meet someone so perfect (usually their situations made such a meeting unlikely.) It's been my belief that they have "conjured" this person. Even if they are not into magic, I think that the thoughts they have about meeting someone, complete with images of the perfect person, have actually made it happen. Instead of feeling sorry for themselves or jealous when others get married, these people just continue to think about when THEY will have this happiness too

    So, since you seem to be in a situation where such a meeting is unlikely, if I were you I would perform the best kind of love spell, one that doesn't involve a particular person, but one that asks for an opportunity to meet the right person. (don't forget to give your definition of "right.) From then on, you must truly believe that this is going to happen, visualize daily and then get out there - watch for opportunities in even the most unlikely places, and be available to date. Sometimes even the wrong date can lead to the right one. The gods love to work this way.

    Trust me, this just might work.

  6. That's a really good idea Aine! Thanks for that... I don't know why I never thought of it lol. I'll definitely have to try that out!

  7. I remember when I first told my girlfriend I'm pagan. Bloody hell I've never been so nervious. Fortunately, she couldn't be more supportive. While she has no interest in looking into paganism - or any religion - herself, she supports me in my pagan beliefs.

    So, what I'm saying is that there ARE people out there who will accept your paganism. Yes, they might be hard to find, but they are there.

    Best of luck and blessed be.

  8. Thanks Joe, I really appreciate that :D

  9. When I met my husband, 21 years ago, he was pretty much fresh out of Catholic seminary, and was an ordained Catholic deacon. He was taking some time away from school to decide if that was what he really wanted when he met & married a Catholic woman (the sister of a classmate of his from seminary). When I met him, he was going through a divorce & I was newly married, but the relationship was in it's death throes. Just to be friends with someone so openly Catholic, I felt he needed to know exactly what I believed & thought about his Church (and I was much less tolerant in those early days of my path). We walked around my neighborhood for hours, hashing it out; me angrily, him patiently listening to me. We reached a mutual respect for each others' faith & became best friends. When we got together as a couple, there was no uncomfortable "talk" because we'd already had it when we were friends. He participates in Circle and ritual, if he wanted to go to church, I'd go with him. I think what I'm trying to say, is always be upfront about it from the start of anything, even if it's just a friendship. You can't start anything with the "big secret" forming a speed bump for you. You never know where anything is going to lead, but in order to have people in your life that you can trust, they have to be able to trust you & they can't if you seem ashamed of your faith (which is what they see when you hide it & don't tell them - not me judging you)