Hello, and welcome to my new blog! Some of you may know me from Confessions of a Country Witch, my old blog. I used to be so good about keeping up with that blog, then all of a sudden it didn't feel sincere any more. I felt like I was having to force myself to write it. Then, the other night I realized something. I have been in a slump for quite a while now, and I had no idea how to get the heck out of it! My health has not been what it normally is this year, I've been depressed a whole heck of a lot more than I normally would be, I've been lonely, unhappy, and incomplete for quite a while. What might be the cause of this? I used to be so grounded in my religion, nothing, and no one could interfere with that; however, somewhere along the way I fell off track. It started with a slippery slide backwards. I stopped doing simple spell work, which led to me not doing cleansing rituals on the house, which led to me feeling trapped and claustrophobic in my own home, which led to more and more problems.
Of course, there is more to the story than just those few things. There were environmental things at work as well. Such as, when I bought my new house and moved it to that horrid trailer park in Amarillo. That trailer park was probably the worst place I've ever lived. It was so oppressive. I didn't feel safe in my own yard. I felt like I had to lock myself inside my house just to be semi safe, which led to even more frustration. Several relationships (romantic and otherwise) were ruined while I lived in Amarillo. I started reading Magical Housekeeping by Tess Whitehurst, and I realized that all the discord was coming from the fact that I personally felt a little lost. I was not grounded, and most definitely not centered. I had lost my way religiously, emotionally, physically, and mentally. Things that had once caused me great joy and excitement had now become the things I wanted to hide from. I wanted to cloister myself in my house, dive under the covers, and never see the light of day again. But when we want to do that, usually its because we need time to figure things out. And that's exactly what I've been doing this whole month that I've lived with my mom.
As we came closer and closer to Yule, I realized that I definitely wasn't looking forward to the celebration, much less anything else. Why did I feel that way? At first I didn't know the answer, just that I felt a major discord when I thought about the Yule celebration. One day my little brother looked at me and said, exactly what is your version of my Christmas? I was floored! I've never hidden my beliefs from him, and my parents are fluent in most of the celebrations (thanks to my dad's interest in history and in Greek and Celtic lore). I just couldn't believe that he had no clue as to even what religion I was! He asked if I was celebrating Hanukkah! As I lay in bed asking myself exactly why he had asked me such a ridiculous question, I realized that while I had been strong in my beliefs 2 years ago, lately no one really knew what religion I was! They knew for sure I wasn't their fellow Catholic, but other than that, I could have told them I was Atheist and they wouldn't have batted an eyelash. While I've been saying I'm Pagan, I definitely haven't been acting that way. I've been acting like someone devoid of religion and faith.
It took several things for all this to click into place. The first being my little brother asking if I celebrate Hanukkah. The second was when I visited a friend about a week ago to catch up after about 2 years of not seeing her. She told me her son was getting married, and asked me to "put my mojo" on the union, her way of asking me to bestow a blessing on him and his fiance. She also asked me to put my mojo into bringing her son back to Lubbock so they could be closer. It's something both of them want. I laughed at it at first, and told her I would do such, then later that night I came home and prayed that their union be blessed, and that they would be able to move back to Lubbock.
Now I've worked for that friend of mine before. I did a little herb work back when she was having major stomach problems and not being able to keep anything down. I made her an herbal tea, told her how to take it, and sent it on its way with her. When I'd worked on it, I'd infused it with healing powers, and asked the goddess to bless the tea so that my friend wouldn't have to worry with the stomach problems she was having. My friend never even drank the tea, she said just having it in the house made things better. Since then she's asked me to put my mojo on lots of things, and I've always gladly done it.
When I realized how much I'd changed I decided to go on an inner self journey to see what was going on, what was making things so discordant for me? As I sat and journeyed, I realized I'd fallen far away from the path. Back in Amarillo I'd struggled to get back to it, but so many things blocked me from that. There were so many blockages I had no clue how to get around or through them. If you ask me, that city is a little too discordant for it's own good, but that's just my personal opinion. Now that I'm back home, I am reconnecting, healing, and making things better for myself. I'm finding my way again, back on the journey of the seeker, but not at the very beginning. I hope that you come on this lovely journey with me as I start over again. Blessed be, and a blessed Yule!
No comments:
Post a Comment